Lose Yourself in Life, Not in Breakups

Getting over a relationship breakup is no walk in the park. Take it from me, I’ve had my experience.

It’ll eat you up and make you lose sight of yourself. I remember crying myself to sleep, thinking about where I could have gone wrong or what I could have done to make our relationship work. However, crying didn’t help ease the pain that I was feeling. I was constantly reminded every day that our four-year relationship had ended in a snap.

Over time, I was able to get over it slowly with the help of my friends. I was thankful to be with people who inspired me to be strong and scolded me whenever necessary.

If I didn’t have them by my side, I would probably still hate myself for what happened, and I’ll never learn how to give myself the love that I deserve.

The pain you’re feeling right now is valid and temporary.

You’ll have to teach yourself how to be strong and find love again despite everything that’s happening in your life.

I’ll be listing down what I did that helped ease the pain, eventually allowing me to overcome it and be a better person for myself.

1. Understand That Grief Is Normal

Experts say grieving is a standard way of processing any loss, unlike pushing it aside or ignoring it. In addition, acceptance is a healthier way to overcome your pain.

It might feel like you’re at the lowest point of your life because your brain is no longer getting a supply of the feel-good chemicals you feel when you’re happy, especially when you’re in a relationship.

Breakups are tough, but they can also be vital for your future happiness and health.

In my case, I can say that our breakup was a blessing in disguise because I was able to get away from a toxic relationship and re-evaluate myself. I was able to check what unhealthy traits and habits led to our breakup and how I could prevent the same events from happening in the future.

2. Physical Pain Is Also Common

Others say that they felt the breakup physically, and studies support this claim. Most researchers believe that you register emotional pain in the same way as physical pain.

You might experience:

• Crying
• Sleep disturbance or insomnia
• Loss of or increase in appetite
• Stomach aches
• General pain and aches
• Exhaustion
• Different kinds of headaches

Why? Because your body produces adrenaline or cortisol when under stress, triggering anxiety, sleep difficulties, and a loss of appetite. Likewise, it makes our muscles tighter and tenser. Breakups also keep our body in survival mode for too long, putting too much stress on the heart.

Takotsubo syndrome or heartbreak syndrome is a disease that can result in sudden heart failure. It starts with pain in the heart and chest area due to acute stress resulting from difficult situations like your breakup.

My appetite during those times was unpredictable. I often had no appetite and drank alcohol on an empty stomach. I regretted it because I was only putting too much stress on my body.

I wouldn’t recommend putting your body and health through so much pain, but you can’t avoid it. It won’t be long before you can accept that physical pain is also common.

3. Know How to Find Yourself Again

When you’re in a long-term relationship, you can quickly lose yourself. You can lose sight of who you are as a person, your goals, and your purpose in life. Most people, like me, tend to give everything to make their relationship work.

Going through a breakup makes it harder to focus on the positive aspects of getting out of the relationship, but you should try to embrace the opportunities for self-exploration.

Find new activities that pique your interest or spend your time on the things you’ve always wanted to learn and explore. You can also visit new places and try out a different food scene.

4. Find Time to Be Socially Active

The grief resulting from your breakup is so intense that you want to isolate yourself. You want to be left alone. However, that will only make things worse.

Take it from me. Isolation only contributed to my self-doubt and loathing. I was left with my negative thoughts every night, and nothing came out of it.

I later discovered that individual and group support from family and friends are essential, so I decided to stop isolating myself during this delicate period.

My closest friends were able to help me vent out and show that I’m supported and loved always. If necessary, they also scolded me because there were times when I needed to hear the truth from them. I also needed their scolding because I was making bad decisions for myself, which wasn’t helping with my recovery.

Over time, I realized that my social relationships could help me strengthen my abilities in handling a relationship in the future. Many experts believe that staying socially active is associated with a longer life and decreased depression.

5. Try to Change Your Lifestyle

Breakups can also mean moving out of a previously shared living space or deleting your pictures. In my case, I decided to return everything my ex-boyfriend had given me throughout our relationship. In addition to the stress of moving out, the emotional pain can increase if you and your partner have children or shared pets.

Depending on your living arrangements, you might have to consider asking for financial support to compensate for the lost income that you and your partner previously shared. Don’t be afraid to reach out and explore options such as temporary housing until you get back on your feet again.

Our breakup was challenging since I was close to his family and relatives, especially his youngest sister, and we’re also neighbors. My coping mechanism during this period is drowning myself in work and going home late.

I even tried to stay in the province for a few weeks during the first days of our breakup, which only contributed a little to helping myself heal and recover.

I suggest making considerable changes to your lifestyle if you want to overcome the pain from your breakup. It’s difficult, but it’s one of the things that helped ease the pain.

Grieving for my breakup was only temporary. Why? Because I reached the point where I needed to love and find myself again. I hope the same goes for you.

Your closest family and friends can offer their support, but only you can decide when it’s time to stand up again. Don’t let your emotions swallow you because it’ll only make the pain even more unbearable.