Curing What Ifs in Your Failed Relationships

No matter how hard you try to make it work, some relationships are just not meant to be. Relationships are complex and beating yourself up thinking about what could have been done or what you should have done is an excruciating process.

People come and go. Yes, it’s an ugly truth, and even hurts differently when you are trying so hard to make someone stay but they still go anyway. It’s hard to avoid remembering former lovers and the actions you could have taken to keep them.

Questions such as “What if I chased them more?” “What if I gave them more time?” and “What if I bought them flowers” always come to mind when contemplating broken relationships you had.

If you are struggling to forget people with whom you used to share some romantic moments and can’t stop thinking of what-if-scenarios, these few tips might help you.

Whatever will be, will be.

Think of the Spanish phrase, “Que sera, sera” every time you look back on the past actions that you have made. Would it have altered the present if you did a different action or made a different choice in the first place? If it does, can you still go back to the past and change it? Definitely not.

Don’t waste your energy thinking about specific moments when you could have said the right words. Everything happens as they are and they are a sum of your choices. Forgive yourself for not knowing any better in the past. Let fate run its course through you by acknowledging its way of running things. Do not ruin its wonderful plans by forcing your fictional scenarios and fantasies about what should have happened.

Live for today and tomorrow.

Recalling people who already went out of your life is like conjuring dead spirits. People change every second and those people you’re thinking about are no longer the same people you used to share beautiful memories with. Live your life every day by looking forward to the beauty of tomorrow.

Dwelling on the past will only give you more harm than good. Always be hopeful that tomorrow will give you a brighter take on life. You are here, now not yesterday. The memories you are holding on too strongly belong to the past, use them to strengthen your future decisions instead of lamenting them.

You are living one of your what ifs right now.

Life is full of possibilities. Try to think of it this way, the present is one of the many what ifs of your past. What if I leave this toxic relationship? Your life at present is the answer to that question. Look at the other side of the coin. Your choices allowed you to reach this far, so stop thinking of scenes that are yet to happen because, given the chance to act out your what ifs, they don’t turn out to be what you have expected.

There’s more to life, and you’ll meet more people and make tremendous choices that will give meaning to why those what ifs did not happen to begin with.