Are you Divorced? 5 Key Ideas on How to Survive Through a Divorce As a Man

It’s like you’re trying to recover from a severe illness.

You probably live in a shell of your former happy self but full of pain and negativity. To add to this lasting injury is the uncertainty of your relationship with your now ex-wife, your children if any, and other people who were close to both of you in the relationship.

Your self-esteem might have been shot up. You’ve lost confidence that you can be in a stable relationship in the future. Your emotions are probably on the haywire every day. One moment you’re feeling depressed and you see something that makes you remember your ex-wife and it fills you with either disappointment or anger.

You’ll also have an awkward relationship if you have to still raise children from the marriage. Sometimes they will share without reservation what happened that made the situation deteriorate. It may get worse if they blame you or if they favor their mother over you.

You might not be able to get rid of all the bad feelings and thoughts that will continue to come in the wake of a divorce.

Here are 5 key ideas to help you survive through it until you’re ready to love again.

1. Reconnect and connect with people you love and trust.

Being by yourself can be a deadly choice. Find people that will be there for you to get through this dark period in your life. Don’t involve people that will remind you of your ex-wife or people who believe that the divorce was your fault.

Move back in with your family or live with a close friend if you have to. Join a support group designed for men who are also surviving their divorce.

2. Remove your ex-wife from your life.

If both of you are still entering and exiting your former lovenest, then it’s time that one of you needs to leave and move elsewhere. Remove anything non-essential or related to her if she hasn’t taken it with her. If it is you who has to leave, just take what you need and go.

Remove her from your social media accounts. Avoid conversations that bring her up unless necessary. Resist the urge to even try communicating with her directly or posting how you are moving on from the divorce.

Moving on and away from her presence is one of the most important things you can do right now.

3. Do not lose control of yourself.

You are currently at a vulnerable stage in your life. Many divorcees have been reported to be found addicted to illegal substances, alcohol, and casual flings. These are utilized by some male divorcees because instant gratification is seen as the only way to help such men cope with the loss of their marriage.

Keep control of your emotional state too. Your temper might rear its ugly head if your children bring up painful memories. Rebounding on a previous marriage with a woman like her can also cause problems in your new relationship if you aren’t ready.

4. Keep a good eye on your children.

Children are just as affected by divorce as you are. Allow them to form their understanding of the situation instead of trying to put your perspective as the reason why the marriage fell apart as it did.

Though it may be tempting to say that it is their mother’s fault that you are in this situation, it would be fair to neither compliment nor blame her for the divorce as much as possible. Children are especially vulnerable to the state of divorce since this can also affect their mental state just as badly.

5. Reinvent yourself and date after you’ve recovered.

Find some new hobbies. Make new friends. Find a new clothing style. Try new and different activities and incorporate them into your routines. If you need second opinions, ask your friends if your new style is a good fit for you or if alterations need to be made.

Don’t be afraid to grieve over your loss in the open or to enter into a men’s group to air out your side and learn to cope with men having the same problems. Learn to admit that you can also be vulnerable to depression.

With a fair amount of time, you will know when you have healed and you are ready to find a wholesome relationship again.

Focus on surviving your loss.

Do not put the cart before the horse by immediately trying to date again. Focus on your emotional and psychological wounds first and heal.

Attempt to find your space. This space is full of people that you are most comfortable with and that you love and trust. If your social media app sends a message about what your ex-wife recently did or posted a new photo of her new date, you don’t want to see it, so remove anything impacting you about her into the trash can.

It is a temptation to focus on self-gratifying behaviors whether they are legal or not. Resist them since they might serve to compound your physical and mental pain in most cases. When involving your children, try not to become an additional source of negativity that has affected those close to you. Do not try to manipulate or bad mouth their mother.

Lastly, try to reclaim yourself. Finding new activities, hobbies, and clothing styles with the advice of your close confidants will help to rebuild your self-esteem and confidence. When you are healed from your divorce, only you know when to try dating again.

Consider these five core ideas to help you come out of your divorce and move on in no time.